God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
