Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
