the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
