ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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