I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
