He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
