The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
