Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
