The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
