Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
