I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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