I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
