I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
