the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
