If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
