are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
