I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
