my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
So many bounce houses so little time
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
