I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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