Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
