she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
