I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
