YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
