new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
