You work out of a Hotel?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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