I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
