i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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