suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
