When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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