Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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