She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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