I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
