i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
