your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
