Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
