I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
