I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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