i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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