Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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