How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
