have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
