I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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