weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
