He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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