wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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