She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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