sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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