Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
