I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
