after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
