We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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