Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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